Weekend Plans

OK so I finally broke down and bought a camera. I am hoping to have it by the weekend since we have some big plans. Saturday is Gram pa Garber's birthday and we're hoping to celebrate that with dinner out and a nice Kroger b-day cake. Yummy! Just what my waistline doesn't need lol. Sunday we have the traditional Memorial Day BBQ at my parents house. I wish it was a tad warmer as I am just itching to get Miss Gracie in the water. The pond is most likely not going to be warm enough for swimming. Monday we are trying to plan an outing to the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. It has been years since I have been there and I am hoping Miss Gracie will enjoy seeing some of the things there. We are not decided yet on this outing but hoping to attend. I hope to get to spend some quality time with my hubs as it seems like life's been very stressful for us and it will do us all some good to just relax, distress, and unwind. I want my camera to catch all these amazing events. I feel lost without it and it's only been a couple of weeks.

Miss Gracie is still having sleep issues. Gone is the short but wonderful predictability of a seven to eight o'clock bedtime. She is up all hours different days and hates her crib again. I literally want to pull my hair out. John's great about allowing her to sleep in the bed during the day when he's trying t get his rest for work, working nights and all and I lay down with her. I think this may be confusing her as I expect her to sleep in her crib at night. I feel bad because she won't nap unless you lay down with her. It's all so frustrating but I pray every night for patience. I love her so much but never in a million year imagined that being a mom would be so hard. We've had such issues with the MSPI and sleep. I find myself just wanting to cry sometimes. I just keep praying it gets easier. We go through spells where I think I can do this many more times and then I find myself in tears thinking there is no way I can have another baby. It's a challenge but it's made me a better person. I wish I coudl be perfect all the time for her but have learned that I'm just human and I'm goig to have times where I am inpatient and sad.I think accepting that is half the battle.

What A Week

Time is flying by and so much is happening. In ways I want Miss Gracie to be more independent but each day I watch her growing and I miss her as a baby. She's really growing. I just don't know where the last six months went. They tell you that when you have kids the time flys. I had no idea how true that would be.

Monday we had our six month appointment with the pediatrician. Gracie weighs almost sixteen pounds, some of her percentiles went down of course I feared that with the confirmed Milk Protein Allergy and switch from breastfeeding to formula feeding but The Dr said she was doing very well. She did much better this time with her shots. We spoke about starting solids and I just don't feel like he has as much experience with food allergies as I'd like. He never told me to avoid green beans or peas with the possible soy allergy as well I would of expected that. The Dr pretty much left what and when and how I start solids totally up to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a person of structure and plans and predictability. This whole solid information was not nearly what I wanted or needed. Now I am trying to research and plan on my own something I'd hoped the DR would provide for me. Frustration.

We're definitely back to sleep problems. Miss Gracie doesn't want to nap, they are very restless. Miss Gracie doesn't want to go to bed at night. Last night she was up till four AM and still managed her seven thirty wake up. She had a short nap, in bed with me but that was about it. She wouldn't go down this evening and finally at eleven she was out on a blanket on the living room floor. I carried her to bed and she's down for now. Who knows what the night will bring. More unpredictability I sometimes wonder if I am cut out for this but when my little lady melts my heart with her smile the doubts disappear.

Things have been tense lately at home. I think both my husband and I want to move more than anything but me being the planner and him being the spontaneous one it causes some conflict. We have much work to do to sell the house for what we need and bills to pay off. Hubs works 70 hours a week sometimes and has no time or energy to fix it up so we are kinda at a stale mate. I've been critical since I got comfortable caring for Miss Gracie of my hubby's care giving skills. I am really trying to work on that along with my patience. I've been trying to really show him how much I appreciate how he works so hard for us. I try to say it but I really try to do little things for him that will make his life easier. Above all I've tried to be more positive and reign my tongue in more. This is a huge challenge for me because I feel like for a while now I've been this huge ball of negativity.

Money is tight and everything keeps coming up. Just this week my digital camera broke and I feel it's a must have with Miss Gracie growing each day. I know God will provide for us if I allow it.

Something to brighten your day. The quality is not the best as it was taken with hubs cell phone but she is a cutie.

Mother's Day

I have to say I had a much better day than I anticipated. I felt very selfish thinking my hubs wouldn't come thru. he tried very hard to make it a special day. The day however proved to be exhausting. We had a lot on our plates.

We went to Mass at a new church Sunday morning that we had wanted to try out again. I don't think either of us had been there in years. I have to say I was touched by the priest's sermon more than any that I have heard since our old pastor left from our parish. It was fairly packed for such and early mass. we've struggled with the thought of joining there. We hope to live out in that area and we plan on sending Miss Gracie to Catholic school and it seems liek one of the best in the city. The downside is that the church and that area are booming. I hated crowded masses. I didn't see anyone I knew which is scary but it was that way when we started at St. Johns. I don't think we'll make a jump just yet, maybe go a few weeks and see how we feel about it. Gracie was an angel in mass although she popped her diaper so that was interesting lol.

After mass we came home for a short time and I opened my card and gifts. John got me this great picture frame that says mommy and me. I love it. I need to get a photo printed to put in it. He also got me a gold necklace with a pendant that said mom and had some diamonds on it. The chain is too small and the bale is too small for it to fit the gold chain I have so unfortunately i am going to have to find a new chain for it. He told me he also got me a cake and we had to get it from Kroger. I so loved this but do not need to eat more cake lol. I need to get back on my diet. I have gained 12 pounds since I stopped nursing Gracie...ehh. My weight is just so up and down but I'll get back where I am happy about myself.

We then went to my moms. she enjoyed a couple of hours with us. Hubs fell asleep on the couch. I was tired as well, neither of us slept well the night before. We then ran to get the cake and delivered it home. Next we were off to his moms. We got to see her new house and it was really nice. I am happy for her she seems happy. My poor allergies are worse then before Gracie. She has some cats and man my nose was acting up. I think mostly long haired cats bother me but I don't know. It was a nice visit though. I was glad she got to see Miss Gracie. She hadn't seen her since her baptism and she just loves her so much. Gracie did well too. She loves people.

When we left we had spoke about running home for a nap. Miss Gracie had cat napped in my arms at her Grama Garbers but she needed one bad and so did we but instead we decided to go to Bandidos and have my Mothers Day dinner. I had osme margaritas and dinner was wonderful. They were also handing out gift cards to moms for $10 off your next visit. I thought that was sweet. Gracie was awake the whoel tiem we were there but sat in her carseat and played with Sophie and was just an angel. After dinner we drove by a few homes that are for sale and then headed home.

We all were tired and I decided we'd start Miss Garcie's bed time routine since she hadn't napped much all day. Needless to say when it was all said and done she was up till 11 PM. EHHHHH! Rough night. In between we watched tv and had cake. I was out when my head hit the pillow. I think she just had too busy of a day with a ton of running around. I enjoyed the day with my family though. I had Daddy take photos even though I so need my hair colored and so need a wax and so need to lose 30 pounds but oh well it's all a memory. If I had no photos I'd be wishing I did. I hope you all had a nice Moms Day too!

Motherhood

Thinking back to last year on this day I remember I was carrying Miss Gracie. I thought I knew just what i was getting into, how things would go, and had all the mothering planned out..I knew it all. NOT! So NOT! I Thought I knew it all...thought being the key word there. I think I mentioned before how I used to judge other moms. The only thing I can say about that now, since I have now been judged..is to each their own.

I sit here in awe as I listen to the silence on Miss Gracie monitor. I have a baby. I am a mommy. We made a child. I have a huge responsibility, but also I have the greatest gift from God. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew I could worry about someone so much. I never knew I would obsess over poop color and texture, worry so much about chemical burns from diapers, spend so long picking out just the perfect ocean waves to play for her at bedtime, make up lyrics and words to sing to my little angel, cry over installing a car seat, cry over my baby crying, have someone be able to pull so hard on my heart strings, and miss someone so much when they are asleep at night.

I often wondered when I was pregnant why I didn't feel the awe of pregnancy, the miracle, the gift. I worried about it. Why didn't I feel these things? Was something wrong with me? I hated being pregnant. I swelled really bad. My hands and arms were constantly falling asleep. I would do it all again in a heartbeat because now when I look at that little lady, when I hold her, when she smiles and laughs I see feel the awe. God has blessed me with the greatest miracle of all, life.

I love being a mommy even though I am terrified of it most days and make a million mistakes. I love my daughter more than myself and I would do anything for her.

Thanks Miss Gracie for loving this new mommy and for learning with me and loving me even when I'm not perfect.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms out there. May your day be blessed.

Randomness of This Week

Ok so this weekend is Mother's Day. I am excited about Mother's Day but worry I'll be disappointed. The hubs is not big on sappy things and I really am hoping he will make it special for me but honestly I am not holding my breath. We both need to make an appearance at our own Mother's house, have a strict nap schedule we are trying to train Miss gracie on, and several weekend chores need completed. Not to mention the hubs has worked about 60 hours this week and he tends to procrastinate so my gift may be picked up in the aisles of Walmart at 4AM this morning. It's possible. Not too special huh?

Ok so sleep time has been interesting this week. Miss Gracie is doing so good at night. She goes to bed anywhere between 7 and 9 and is waking only once to eat and returning to bed for 2 to 3 more hours. I think the earliest I've had to get up is 7 and the latest has been 10 but on average she wakes up about 8. Naps on the other hand have been a NIGHTMAREEEEEEEEEEE. I can't get her to sleep more than 30 minutes most times. I'd say her average nap is 20 minutes. She is then one unhappy baby. This is insane. I look for her tired signs and put her to bed in her crib now but she continuously rolls over and gets herself ticked off because she can't return back to her back. I feel like her entire day is dedicated to watching for sleep signs and trying to get her to nap. I think we've hardly played. This week has sucked. I love playing with her and hate it when she is grumpy but I guess we're bound to have those days. I have purposely stayed at home this week, even ignoring the grocery trip I desperately need to make, to work on her sleep routines. I don't know how we're going to fit in everything Sunday. I think by the time the day ends we're going to have one unhappy Miss Gracie on our hands. Hubs and I do plan on going out to dinner but I'm scared she's going to be going into melt down mode by then.

As for Rocky well I think Mama is dead on the road and for sure there is one more baby. My trap is baited and up there but he isn't biting. I saw him walk on the light shield and I am terrified he's coming through like the other. Hubs and i have discussed hiring someone to get him but I think they will only do what I am doing. I'll have to give it a tad more time. Thank goodness we have our dog or else I'd be a nervous wreck.

Gracie still has 0 teeth. I am hoping when we go to her next appointment in just a tad over a week he oks us to start on some solids soon. yesterday she ate 35 oz of formula. I worry about her going to solids because of the MPSI. I have to watch for milk and soy in everything. I pray she grows out of this. It's so expensive and it's scary to me. As for the teeth I am not looking forward to the teething. I need to make a list of questions for her pedi so that i don't forget to ask about relief and what's safe, also need info on the solids and what she can have.

As for my own appearance I so need to get my hair dyed. It hasn't been done since right before I had Grace so it's been about 5 months. I also need a cut and my eyebrows waxed. We really can't afford it but where I go has 20% off this month and hubs says to go do it. IDk if I will. I feel selfish. I will def do the cut and brows but unsure on the coloring. Since my regular girl got fired idk if I trust anyone. I was hoping to do all this before mother's day but idk how I'll have time to get it done. I can't take Gracie. The brows are very bad lol. Normally i wouldn't care but since I'm seeing family this weekend I'd like to not look so frumpy. I have put on 10 pounds since I stopped breastfeeding. I really need to get started on Weight Watchers again. We'll see I guess. We're about out of food here so it would be a great time to start I guess.

Well I suppose I better wrap this up since LO is sleeping and I am exhausted and should be too. I hope all you moms out there have a wonderful Mom's Day!

Not What I Expected Coming Home to Sunday Morning

Ok so anyone who knows me knows I have a very old house..over 100 years old in fact and that it needs some work and that the hubs wells he's not exactly a handy man.We've made it nice in many areas so far but it's a work in progress..with an old home you are bound to have some issues and boy we got a dousy! Over the last several years we've had a squirrel make its home inside ours somewhere in the wall and have babies. Hubs doesn't do well with this..but the first time we discovered what was happening I decided I was going to get a live trap and take care of it before the damn thing ate a wire and caught our house on fire. I was TERRIFIED of course but so was he lol. He's not so into wild animals and tends to procrastinate so I took matters into my own hands. Each time this has happened I have caught the baby squirrels but I have never captured the mother. Well one year none came in and then again this year one did..we must have some sort of hole or something where they are entering but we can't find it so all we can do is try and catch them. This year for some reason the squirrel came in very early and I tried over and over to catch it but it kept getting the bait out of the trap without actually setting the trap off. I was getting frustrated especially with Miss Gracie arrival now because it is disgusting to me that this thing is in the wall and drop ceilings at times.

Funny thing happened the other night. Sophie the giraffe arrived and we were sitting in the den and I started to squeak it and I heard the squirrel who I call Rocky lol..above running about but it sounded as if there were more than one. I assumed she had her babies and these are always relatively easy to capture. I got the Cage down Saturday and baited it up again..my previous bait was gone..probably taken by momma. I thought I'd have a baby by Saturday night but I kept hearing action in the ceiling by the trap but nothing.

Yesterday upon arriving home after church and breakfast I came home to find the shield missing from the light area in our restroom and this

Needless to say the hubs was not happy.My mind raced..was it in the house..were we about to relive the movie Christmas Vacation lmao????? Just then I glanced into the other room and saw this nasty site


I was not happy about this disgusting thing on my carpet..ewww..but happy that he was eliminated because of my hero

The momma has left and the babies are behind. I know I hear at least one and so now I am totally freaked out. I have never had one fall thru one of the light shields..I am so thankful we weren't home and so thankful that Payton is on the ball around here. I think when I placed the trap in the ceiling I may not have had the shield in correctly the little squirrel walked on it and bam fell thru..utterly disgusting but one down and hopefully only one more to go...RIP Rocky I.

Happy Birthday Gracie!

Ok so it's only the 5 month mark but still worth acknowledging right? I look at my little girl and my has she grown. I can't believe we've gone from this....




To this .....what a wonderful little lady.



I'd be lying if I didn't say it was hard. I have to say being a mother is the absoloute hardest thing I have ever done in my life. You have these preconceived ideas, but when you have these ideas, prior to giving birth you really have no idea what it really will be like, and sadly you are really misinformed. I used to look at people with their children and critisize them in my mind, and I have to admit at times I have judged other mothers for their ways and styles of parenting, those days are OVER. I was ignorant to how hard it is..and very wrong. As hard as things have been for little Gracie and I, I believe that we've gotten thru it together. I also think it's been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I wouldn't change anything that has happened as it's made me grow and made Gracie and I closer. Things that have happened have brought us where we are today and that is amazing.

I feel like there is a lot of frustration in my life right now..but Gracie is a true blessing and no matter what happens she'll be here sharing life with me.

Today I want to say I am so happy to have my little girl and happy birthday little Miss Gracie!