Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted And never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom, I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been pooped on, Spit up on, Chewed on, Peed on, Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom, I had complete control of myself; My thoughts, My body, And my mind. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming childso that doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every ten minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderfulment, Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom

Football Season Anyone????

When deciding what our little one would wear home from the hospital there wasn't much discussion. We had purchased a little pink Chicago Bears outfit and it was a no brainer. When dressing her at the hospital it seemed alarmingly big on her and in checking the size I noticed I had bought a 3-6 month outfit..it was very roomy on her lol.





She has grown so much since that first day and this is probably one of the last times she will be wearing her favorite team. She watched them end a disappointing season sitting in her daddys lap on a couple of Sunday afternoons. She is happy and optimistic however that her teams next season will be successful. We'll be shopping for another outfit for next season. I am thinking orange and blue this time but we'll see. Go Bears!

Milestones

With all the hustle and bustle, fussines, restlessness, and sleeplessness that have occured over the past 4 months of our life most days with my new daughter seem like a blur. We go to Dr appointments, church, and the occasional trip to the pharmacy but we don't tend to venture too far. I check off the things you can do and also where you should be like i think most moms do and you are for the most part hitting everything on track.

Yesterday was the first time we went out together than I wasn't all tensed up an nervous that you may have a major meltdown. I know we only went to BRU and Target but you were an angel and I feel much more confident now in being able to handle more fussy baby situations. I guess that would be my milestone.

With that said a few interesting things happened yesterday that I'd like to mention. First take a look at the second pic (pic is from this morning as I was alone when she did this with noone to take advantage of the first photo of her holding her bottle). Funny how she can hold a bottle after less than a week of bottle feeding. She's one smart cookie. Second and the thing I am most excited about is she slept in her own crib last night after cosleeping for almost four months (see first photo). I did a happy dance when this happened. I of course didn't sleep well because I don't have the breathable bumper installed on her crib yet and the monitor is portable, we don't usually use it in her room, so without the AC set up on it it went dead in the middle of the night. I woke up hearing it beep. It warns you when it's about to go dead. It's not like she's far away, I could hear her in her room but the monitor makes me have more peace of mind.

I can't believe what a difference the formula feeding has made in our lives. No matter what comes our way, Miss Gracie and I will make it thru together, just like we have up to this point . For now mommy is just trying to take it all in and enjoy it. It's going much faster then I ever imagines it would.

Dear Gracie

Dear Gracie,

I look at you with such joy. You are growing up so quick right before my eyes. I don't see it every day but when I snap photos of you or see you in your daddy's arm's I see you changing. It's so hard to believe that a week from now you will be four months old.

These four months have been hard on us both. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew being a mother would be do hard. I never knew I'd have so many emotions and laugh and cry so much. I feel like a completely different person. I don't think that's a bad thing at all just different. I know that I am a better soul because of you.

Seeing you grow makes me sad in some ways. Thanks for being patient with me and for walking with me through motherhood. We both had and have a lot to figure out. I wish I had known from the beginning you had a MilkProteins Intolerance. Things were so rough and I didn't know why you were the way you were and the Dr wouldn't listen. If I learned one thing it is that I need to follow my gut feelings more. Forgive me for not knowing sooner. You seem so much happier now and so much more at peace. I miss feeding you so much sweetheart but I want what is best for you. I am glad you still love to cuddle with me and I want to cry when you are eating a bottle looking at me the same as when you ate from me. When you reach your hand around my finger it is priceless like you are telling me that it's ok that we had to move onto the bottle and that together we'll be ok. I'm so proud of you for how you've transitioned. I worry about you always and only want the very best for you.

I'm sure we have many struggles ahead of us and we will over come those together. I am also sure that there are so many happy times we're going to share, This is just the beginning of a wonderful and exciting journey together chunk monk and I love you with every part of me.

Love Mommy