Rough Bedtime

To say this evening has been rough is an understatement. We're going on minute 20 of CIO and it's not going well. I have to say I feel some serious guilt here, mostly for the fact that Miss Gracie didn't get her normal bedtime routine tonight. Typically we do about 30-45 minutes of free time (naked) and then go with a nice warm bath..not to hot but definately on the warmer side. In the beginning I didn't do a bath every night but I found that a bath works wonders when putting Miss Gracie to bed.

So like I said no routine tonight..things got a miss when she decided to do some on and off cat napping starting at around 7:30. She woke up in between and her last one ended at around 9:00. Typically we start free time (naked) at 8:30 then follow with a bath and bottle but she was fussing hard when she woke and I knew she was famished so while I prepared her bottle she struggled to keep her eyes open. I made the call then to go ahead and just give her face and hands a clean up and change her into her jams... skipping free time and bath time altogether. I expected she wouldn't even get thru her bottle. I finally laid her down at 9:39 (yes I know the exact time) and she was ok for about 5 minutes but then began fussing on and off...which turned into crying...and more crying..ok just went in to check on her. It had been 30 minutes. I was unsure on the quality of burp I got from her before ...so I decided to pick her up and I got one doozy of a belch after just a few pats. It always seems to upset her more when I go in even when I don't pick her up. I am just sitting her listening to her on the Angel Care Monitor. She's slowing down..I hope she sleeps soon.

I dread bedtime at our house. I often wonder why my baby can't be one that sleeps peacefully. She never has and when I think something works she noramlly throw a wrench in my happy dance and switches things up. I feel so bad tonight..maybe if I had just did the bath..even though it was going to put her to bed later she wouldn't be crying now. She's down to a few whimpers here and there now thank God.

I get a lot of critisism for my bedtime beliefs. I don't go by any one plan. It's a whole lot of hodge podge I pretend to be a plan but it is really the only thing that works for us. I feel lucky at times that she isn't a child who used to sleep thru the night..or long stretches... who has suddenly changed. Our bedtime here is just improving but when you go from virtually no sleep to some it's an improvement. It's quiet now, she put herself to sleep.

It's time for my good cry now. I always cry after she's calm because I feel terrible for her crying. I had gotten her down to only about 12 minutes of fussing with a few outbreaks of tears before sticking her thumby in her mouth but now without the bath it was 36 minutes..oh the guilt.

Might be important to include this

I was rereading the blog I originally started back when I was pregnant but then locked myself out of lol. I thought I should paste on here what I had there so that I can remember. I can't help but take in a deep breath and thank God for all that he has blessed me with..considering the fear in my heart only a year ago. I should really learn to trust more..I'm working on it.

http://garbersgreatexpectation.blogspot.com/

Ok so I don't what happened today but it sure wasn't one of our better days.

Last night Gracie went down like a champ..I know that has never happened. I went to bed fairly early as well..by 10:30. I slept like a rock and woke up at 2:30 thinking it must be morning. I ended up getting up folding clothes, cleaning up the kitchen, and checking my FB. John came home shortly after..I know SHOCKER since he's been working 16 and 17 hour days here lately. I decided to wake Gracie to change her diaper and feed her since she hadn't ate or been changed since around 8. We're still battling the diaper rash..and yes I know not to wake a sleeping baby. Well it took until about 6 to get her back down and I went to bed with the hubs.

Needless to say Payton woke me at 9 to go out and sure enough when I got back upstairs little gracie was playing with her feet babbling away..it was at this point I felt so tired I wanted to cry. This is not the least amount of rest I have ever gotten by any means. Looking back on the first 3 months of her life and bfing and the Milk Protein Intolerance this is a cake walk so why did it bother me so much?? i got her up and took care of what needed to be taken care of and just sat with her trying to rest but she was really energetic today in fact I feel bad we didn't play harder. I wish I had done a lot more with her today but all in all we still had fun. She isn't feeling too great the past couple of days. She did get Sophie in the mail today and loves it. I will have to get a pic posted of her and the silly thing.

Bedtime tonight was a nightmare but she's down and I should be too because you just never know what she has in store for me tomorrow.

I may get stressed out but you know what I have the best job in the world..I may have to change diapers, get spit up on, have sleep deprivation, and deal with a screamer at times but who else gets to be a kid again, lay on the floor and talk baby talk, make up silly songs, pinch chunks on your baby to make them laugh, and just be a kid again. I have to remind myself on these tired days just how lucky I am.

Thanks for working so hard John so that I can stay home with our beautiful daughter.
Love you daddy!

Frustrated and I Guess I Don't Know Why

Ok it's been a while since I posted anything here not that anyone would notice...doesn't seem like my blog has snagged any followers of yet but hey it's a good place to let some things out so why not.

Ok I love my husband this is an understatement I ADORE my husband but today I ran across a post on BBC about the furstrations in a marriage after having a baby and a woman said hey let's name 10 reasons we love our hubs. Things can get hectic and crazy with a new baby and I'm still hormonal I guess even though it's been 5 months PP and so I am reading along other peoples lists and well I get pretty sad I guess cause I feel like a lot of the things that these women see in their hubbys I'm missing in mine and I don't feel like it's because of a new baby, in fact I feel like it's been this way a while and if I am honest with myself I'm really just not too happy about it.

What to do?