Motherhood

Thinking back to last year on this day I remember I was carrying Miss Gracie. I thought I knew just what i was getting into, how things would go, and had all the mothering planned out..I knew it all. NOT! So NOT! I Thought I knew it all...thought being the key word there. I think I mentioned before how I used to judge other moms. The only thing I can say about that now, since I have now been judged..is to each their own.

I sit here in awe as I listen to the silence on Miss Gracie monitor. I have a baby. I am a mommy. We made a child. I have a huge responsibility, but also I have the greatest gift from God. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew I could worry about someone so much. I never knew I would obsess over poop color and texture, worry so much about chemical burns from diapers, spend so long picking out just the perfect ocean waves to play for her at bedtime, make up lyrics and words to sing to my little angel, cry over installing a car seat, cry over my baby crying, have someone be able to pull so hard on my heart strings, and miss someone so much when they are asleep at night.

I often wondered when I was pregnant why I didn't feel the awe of pregnancy, the miracle, the gift. I worried about it. Why didn't I feel these things? Was something wrong with me? I hated being pregnant. I swelled really bad. My hands and arms were constantly falling asleep. I would do it all again in a heartbeat because now when I look at that little lady, when I hold her, when she smiles and laughs I see feel the awe. God has blessed me with the greatest miracle of all, life.

I love being a mommy even though I am terrified of it most days and make a million mistakes. I love my daughter more than myself and I would do anything for her.

Thanks Miss Gracie for loving this new mommy and for learning with me and loving me even when I'm not perfect.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms out there. May your day be blessed.