Weekend Plans

OK so I finally broke down and bought a camera. I am hoping to have it by the weekend since we have some big plans. Saturday is Gram pa Garber's birthday and we're hoping to celebrate that with dinner out and a nice Kroger b-day cake. Yummy! Just what my waistline doesn't need lol. Sunday we have the traditional Memorial Day BBQ at my parents house. I wish it was a tad warmer as I am just itching to get Miss Gracie in the water. The pond is most likely not going to be warm enough for swimming. Monday we are trying to plan an outing to the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. It has been years since I have been there and I am hoping Miss Gracie will enjoy seeing some of the things there. We are not decided yet on this outing but hoping to attend. I hope to get to spend some quality time with my hubs as it seems like life's been very stressful for us and it will do us all some good to just relax, distress, and unwind. I want my camera to catch all these amazing events. I feel lost without it and it's only been a couple of weeks.

Miss Gracie is still having sleep issues. Gone is the short but wonderful predictability of a seven to eight o'clock bedtime. She is up all hours different days and hates her crib again. I literally want to pull my hair out. John's great about allowing her to sleep in the bed during the day when he's trying t get his rest for work, working nights and all and I lay down with her. I think this may be confusing her as I expect her to sleep in her crib at night. I feel bad because she won't nap unless you lay down with her. It's all so frustrating but I pray every night for patience. I love her so much but never in a million year imagined that being a mom would be so hard. We've had such issues with the MSPI and sleep. I find myself just wanting to cry sometimes. I just keep praying it gets easier. We go through spells where I think I can do this many more times and then I find myself in tears thinking there is no way I can have another baby. It's a challenge but it's made me a better person. I wish I coudl be perfect all the time for her but have learned that I'm just human and I'm goig to have times where I am inpatient and sad.I think accepting that is half the battle.

What A Week

Time is flying by and so much is happening. In ways I want Miss Gracie to be more independent but each day I watch her growing and I miss her as a baby. She's really growing. I just don't know where the last six months went. They tell you that when you have kids the time flys. I had no idea how true that would be.

Monday we had our six month appointment with the pediatrician. Gracie weighs almost sixteen pounds, some of her percentiles went down of course I feared that with the confirmed Milk Protein Allergy and switch from breastfeeding to formula feeding but The Dr said she was doing very well. She did much better this time with her shots. We spoke about starting solids and I just don't feel like he has as much experience with food allergies as I'd like. He never told me to avoid green beans or peas with the possible soy allergy as well I would of expected that. The Dr pretty much left what and when and how I start solids totally up to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a person of structure and plans and predictability. This whole solid information was not nearly what I wanted or needed. Now I am trying to research and plan on my own something I'd hoped the DR would provide for me. Frustration.

We're definitely back to sleep problems. Miss Gracie doesn't want to nap, they are very restless. Miss Gracie doesn't want to go to bed at night. Last night she was up till four AM and still managed her seven thirty wake up. She had a short nap, in bed with me but that was about it. She wouldn't go down this evening and finally at eleven she was out on a blanket on the living room floor. I carried her to bed and she's down for now. Who knows what the night will bring. More unpredictability I sometimes wonder if I am cut out for this but when my little lady melts my heart with her smile the doubts disappear.

Things have been tense lately at home. I think both my husband and I want to move more than anything but me being the planner and him being the spontaneous one it causes some conflict. We have much work to do to sell the house for what we need and bills to pay off. Hubs works 70 hours a week sometimes and has no time or energy to fix it up so we are kinda at a stale mate. I've been critical since I got comfortable caring for Miss Gracie of my hubby's care giving skills. I am really trying to work on that along with my patience. I've been trying to really show him how much I appreciate how he works so hard for us. I try to say it but I really try to do little things for him that will make his life easier. Above all I've tried to be more positive and reign my tongue in more. This is a huge challenge for me because I feel like for a while now I've been this huge ball of negativity.

Money is tight and everything keeps coming up. Just this week my digital camera broke and I feel it's a must have with Miss Gracie growing each day. I know God will provide for us if I allow it.

Something to brighten your day. The quality is not the best as it was taken with hubs cell phone but she is a cutie.

Mother's Day

I have to say I had a much better day than I anticipated. I felt very selfish thinking my hubs wouldn't come thru. he tried very hard to make it a special day. The day however proved to be exhausting. We had a lot on our plates.

We went to Mass at a new church Sunday morning that we had wanted to try out again. I don't think either of us had been there in years. I have to say I was touched by the priest's sermon more than any that I have heard since our old pastor left from our parish. It was fairly packed for such and early mass. we've struggled with the thought of joining there. We hope to live out in that area and we plan on sending Miss Gracie to Catholic school and it seems liek one of the best in the city. The downside is that the church and that area are booming. I hated crowded masses. I didn't see anyone I knew which is scary but it was that way when we started at St. Johns. I don't think we'll make a jump just yet, maybe go a few weeks and see how we feel about it. Gracie was an angel in mass although she popped her diaper so that was interesting lol.

After mass we came home for a short time and I opened my card and gifts. John got me this great picture frame that says mommy and me. I love it. I need to get a photo printed to put in it. He also got me a gold necklace with a pendant that said mom and had some diamonds on it. The chain is too small and the bale is too small for it to fit the gold chain I have so unfortunately i am going to have to find a new chain for it. He told me he also got me a cake and we had to get it from Kroger. I so loved this but do not need to eat more cake lol. I need to get back on my diet. I have gained 12 pounds since I stopped nursing Gracie...ehh. My weight is just so up and down but I'll get back where I am happy about myself.

We then went to my moms. she enjoyed a couple of hours with us. Hubs fell asleep on the couch. I was tired as well, neither of us slept well the night before. We then ran to get the cake and delivered it home. Next we were off to his moms. We got to see her new house and it was really nice. I am happy for her she seems happy. My poor allergies are worse then before Gracie. She has some cats and man my nose was acting up. I think mostly long haired cats bother me but I don't know. It was a nice visit though. I was glad she got to see Miss Gracie. She hadn't seen her since her baptism and she just loves her so much. Gracie did well too. She loves people.

When we left we had spoke about running home for a nap. Miss Gracie had cat napped in my arms at her Grama Garbers but she needed one bad and so did we but instead we decided to go to Bandidos and have my Mothers Day dinner. I had osme margaritas and dinner was wonderful. They were also handing out gift cards to moms for $10 off your next visit. I thought that was sweet. Gracie was awake the whoel tiem we were there but sat in her carseat and played with Sophie and was just an angel. After dinner we drove by a few homes that are for sale and then headed home.

We all were tired and I decided we'd start Miss Garcie's bed time routine since she hadn't napped much all day. Needless to say when it was all said and done she was up till 11 PM. EHHHHH! Rough night. In between we watched tv and had cake. I was out when my head hit the pillow. I think she just had too busy of a day with a ton of running around. I enjoyed the day with my family though. I had Daddy take photos even though I so need my hair colored and so need a wax and so need to lose 30 pounds but oh well it's all a memory. If I had no photos I'd be wishing I did. I hope you all had a nice Moms Day too!

Motherhood

Thinking back to last year on this day I remember I was carrying Miss Gracie. I thought I knew just what i was getting into, how things would go, and had all the mothering planned out..I knew it all. NOT! So NOT! I Thought I knew it all...thought being the key word there. I think I mentioned before how I used to judge other moms. The only thing I can say about that now, since I have now been judged..is to each their own.

I sit here in awe as I listen to the silence on Miss Gracie monitor. I have a baby. I am a mommy. We made a child. I have a huge responsibility, but also I have the greatest gift from God. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew I could worry about someone so much. I never knew I would obsess over poop color and texture, worry so much about chemical burns from diapers, spend so long picking out just the perfect ocean waves to play for her at bedtime, make up lyrics and words to sing to my little angel, cry over installing a car seat, cry over my baby crying, have someone be able to pull so hard on my heart strings, and miss someone so much when they are asleep at night.

I often wondered when I was pregnant why I didn't feel the awe of pregnancy, the miracle, the gift. I worried about it. Why didn't I feel these things? Was something wrong with me? I hated being pregnant. I swelled really bad. My hands and arms were constantly falling asleep. I would do it all again in a heartbeat because now when I look at that little lady, when I hold her, when she smiles and laughs I see feel the awe. God has blessed me with the greatest miracle of all, life.

I love being a mommy even though I am terrified of it most days and make a million mistakes. I love my daughter more than myself and I would do anything for her.

Thanks Miss Gracie for loving this new mommy and for learning with me and loving me even when I'm not perfect.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms out there. May your day be blessed.

Randomness of This Week

Ok so this weekend is Mother's Day. I am excited about Mother's Day but worry I'll be disappointed. The hubs is not big on sappy things and I really am hoping he will make it special for me but honestly I am not holding my breath. We both need to make an appearance at our own Mother's house, have a strict nap schedule we are trying to train Miss gracie on, and several weekend chores need completed. Not to mention the hubs has worked about 60 hours this week and he tends to procrastinate so my gift may be picked up in the aisles of Walmart at 4AM this morning. It's possible. Not too special huh?

Ok so sleep time has been interesting this week. Miss Gracie is doing so good at night. She goes to bed anywhere between 7 and 9 and is waking only once to eat and returning to bed for 2 to 3 more hours. I think the earliest I've had to get up is 7 and the latest has been 10 but on average she wakes up about 8. Naps on the other hand have been a NIGHTMAREEEEEEEEEEE. I can't get her to sleep more than 30 minutes most times. I'd say her average nap is 20 minutes. She is then one unhappy baby. This is insane. I look for her tired signs and put her to bed in her crib now but she continuously rolls over and gets herself ticked off because she can't return back to her back. I feel like her entire day is dedicated to watching for sleep signs and trying to get her to nap. I think we've hardly played. This week has sucked. I love playing with her and hate it when she is grumpy but I guess we're bound to have those days. I have purposely stayed at home this week, even ignoring the grocery trip I desperately need to make, to work on her sleep routines. I don't know how we're going to fit in everything Sunday. I think by the time the day ends we're going to have one unhappy Miss Gracie on our hands. Hubs and I do plan on going out to dinner but I'm scared she's going to be going into melt down mode by then.

As for Rocky well I think Mama is dead on the road and for sure there is one more baby. My trap is baited and up there but he isn't biting. I saw him walk on the light shield and I am terrified he's coming through like the other. Hubs and i have discussed hiring someone to get him but I think they will only do what I am doing. I'll have to give it a tad more time. Thank goodness we have our dog or else I'd be a nervous wreck.

Gracie still has 0 teeth. I am hoping when we go to her next appointment in just a tad over a week he oks us to start on some solids soon. yesterday she ate 35 oz of formula. I worry about her going to solids because of the MPSI. I have to watch for milk and soy in everything. I pray she grows out of this. It's so expensive and it's scary to me. As for the teeth I am not looking forward to the teething. I need to make a list of questions for her pedi so that i don't forget to ask about relief and what's safe, also need info on the solids and what she can have.

As for my own appearance I so need to get my hair dyed. It hasn't been done since right before I had Grace so it's been about 5 months. I also need a cut and my eyebrows waxed. We really can't afford it but where I go has 20% off this month and hubs says to go do it. IDk if I will. I feel selfish. I will def do the cut and brows but unsure on the coloring. Since my regular girl got fired idk if I trust anyone. I was hoping to do all this before mother's day but idk how I'll have time to get it done. I can't take Gracie. The brows are very bad lol. Normally i wouldn't care but since I'm seeing family this weekend I'd like to not look so frumpy. I have put on 10 pounds since I stopped breastfeeding. I really need to get started on Weight Watchers again. We'll see I guess. We're about out of food here so it would be a great time to start I guess.

Well I suppose I better wrap this up since LO is sleeping and I am exhausted and should be too. I hope all you moms out there have a wonderful Mom's Day!

Not What I Expected Coming Home to Sunday Morning

Ok so anyone who knows me knows I have a very old house..over 100 years old in fact and that it needs some work and that the hubs wells he's not exactly a handy man.We've made it nice in many areas so far but it's a work in progress..with an old home you are bound to have some issues and boy we got a dousy! Over the last several years we've had a squirrel make its home inside ours somewhere in the wall and have babies. Hubs doesn't do well with this..but the first time we discovered what was happening I decided I was going to get a live trap and take care of it before the damn thing ate a wire and caught our house on fire. I was TERRIFIED of course but so was he lol. He's not so into wild animals and tends to procrastinate so I took matters into my own hands. Each time this has happened I have caught the baby squirrels but I have never captured the mother. Well one year none came in and then again this year one did..we must have some sort of hole or something where they are entering but we can't find it so all we can do is try and catch them. This year for some reason the squirrel came in very early and I tried over and over to catch it but it kept getting the bait out of the trap without actually setting the trap off. I was getting frustrated especially with Miss Gracie arrival now because it is disgusting to me that this thing is in the wall and drop ceilings at times.

Funny thing happened the other night. Sophie the giraffe arrived and we were sitting in the den and I started to squeak it and I heard the squirrel who I call Rocky lol..above running about but it sounded as if there were more than one. I assumed she had her babies and these are always relatively easy to capture. I got the Cage down Saturday and baited it up again..my previous bait was gone..probably taken by momma. I thought I'd have a baby by Saturday night but I kept hearing action in the ceiling by the trap but nothing.

Yesterday upon arriving home after church and breakfast I came home to find the shield missing from the light area in our restroom and this

Needless to say the hubs was not happy.My mind raced..was it in the house..were we about to relive the movie Christmas Vacation lmao????? Just then I glanced into the other room and saw this nasty site


I was not happy about this disgusting thing on my carpet..ewww..but happy that he was eliminated because of my hero

The momma has left and the babies are behind. I know I hear at least one and so now I am totally freaked out. I have never had one fall thru one of the light shields..I am so thankful we weren't home and so thankful that Payton is on the ball around here. I think when I placed the trap in the ceiling I may not have had the shield in correctly the little squirrel walked on it and bam fell thru..utterly disgusting but one down and hopefully only one more to go...RIP Rocky I.

Happy Birthday Gracie!

Ok so it's only the 5 month mark but still worth acknowledging right? I look at my little girl and my has she grown. I can't believe we've gone from this....




To this .....what a wonderful little lady.



I'd be lying if I didn't say it was hard. I have to say being a mother is the absoloute hardest thing I have ever done in my life. You have these preconceived ideas, but when you have these ideas, prior to giving birth you really have no idea what it really will be like, and sadly you are really misinformed. I used to look at people with their children and critisize them in my mind, and I have to admit at times I have judged other mothers for their ways and styles of parenting, those days are OVER. I was ignorant to how hard it is..and very wrong. As hard as things have been for little Gracie and I, I believe that we've gotten thru it together. I also think it's been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I wouldn't change anything that has happened as it's made me grow and made Gracie and I closer. Things that have happened have brought us where we are today and that is amazing.

I feel like there is a lot of frustration in my life right now..but Gracie is a true blessing and no matter what happens she'll be here sharing life with me.

Today I want to say I am so happy to have my little girl and happy birthday little Miss Gracie!

I'm going to chalk this week up as a wash.. a really rough one. Nothing really has improved this week with Miss Gracie's sleep, she's spitting up more than normal, and I feel teething is right around the next corner.

Yesterday by far had to be the worst day. She woke up at the crack of dawn literally. I actually took her outside and showed her the sun peaking over the horizon. She seems to love checking out the trees and the sunshine..needless to say it was far to early for mommy's taste but you know I don't make those decisions anymore. I had stayed up far too late Thursday night and felt guilty that I was reallyyyyyy looking forward to her first nap so I could maybe get a little rest.
Miss Gracies been napping pretty well lately, in fact I thought we were getting much better with the sleeping patterns she has but yesterday she threw one big Monkey wrench into it all.

She started out a tad tired from waking up only 6 hours after going down the night before but I thought hey she'll nap early well she did show signs of being tired about an hour and a half later. I decided I'd try to take her to bed with me..I'd told John to prepare our "area" of the bed when he went to bed Thursday morning so I knew we'd have plenty of room and that the dividing pillow between us would also be in place. At this point I am happy cause my eyes are burning and i just feel blah, well she wouldn't go down in fact after trying to take her up she decided she'd skip that nap altogether. She was up till noon and showing signs of being tired the whole time..she pretty much was laying in her PNP playing but not sleeping. I'd see her eyes begin to close and then they'd fly open and she's start kicking her legs all over her PNP to fight her sleep. Finally at 12 I decided to try and take her back up to my bed. She went down and I tried to nap but she was restless, moving her head from side to side, thumby in and out of her mouth. She didn't rest well. When we got up she was up for several hours again before she melted down and I was forced to do a nap in the swing with about 10 minutes of fussing prior to her falling asleep. That wasn't so great either so we proceeded to try for an earlier bedtime with more free time before bath time.

Apparantly I could do nothing right yesterday as she fussed about 20 minutes into her free time even though it's usually her favortite part of the day. When I put her in the bath she screamed and acted like the water was too hot. I always double check and even to my wrist it felt ok but it did make her little legs red so maybe it was too warm. I felt guilt about that all night. She was restless in the tub so it was short and matter to fact, she had a bottle and headed to bed which turned into about an hour or on and off crying and hollering with me checking on her repeatedly. She finally fell asleep about 10:30. At 5 am we had storms roll through our area and she woke up..I didn't grab her out of bed and it wasn't the last time this morning I'd hear my little angel chattering in there.

She has only been up about an hour so far today and she seems happy but we'll see how the naps go..they are the key to a good day and a great night. Most people I talk to think if you don't let your kid sleep during the day they will sleep better at night and this is oh so not true.

Today I am exhausted as I stayed up far too late again and was woke by an earlier line of storms than Miss Gracie this morning. I have a too do list a mile long and no energy, I find myself looking forward to nap time again but don't want to get my hopes up. I prayed last night to be more patient and more open to the things that are thrown to me each day but it can be quite a challenge. I am hoping for a good end to a not so wonderful week in the Garber household.

Rough Bedtime

To say this evening has been rough is an understatement. We're going on minute 20 of CIO and it's not going well. I have to say I feel some serious guilt here, mostly for the fact that Miss Gracie didn't get her normal bedtime routine tonight. Typically we do about 30-45 minutes of free time (naked) and then go with a nice warm bath..not to hot but definately on the warmer side. In the beginning I didn't do a bath every night but I found that a bath works wonders when putting Miss Gracie to bed.

So like I said no routine tonight..things got a miss when she decided to do some on and off cat napping starting at around 7:30. She woke up in between and her last one ended at around 9:00. Typically we start free time (naked) at 8:30 then follow with a bath and bottle but she was fussing hard when she woke and I knew she was famished so while I prepared her bottle she struggled to keep her eyes open. I made the call then to go ahead and just give her face and hands a clean up and change her into her jams... skipping free time and bath time altogether. I expected she wouldn't even get thru her bottle. I finally laid her down at 9:39 (yes I know the exact time) and she was ok for about 5 minutes but then began fussing on and off...which turned into crying...and more crying..ok just went in to check on her. It had been 30 minutes. I was unsure on the quality of burp I got from her before ...so I decided to pick her up and I got one doozy of a belch after just a few pats. It always seems to upset her more when I go in even when I don't pick her up. I am just sitting her listening to her on the Angel Care Monitor. She's slowing down..I hope she sleeps soon.

I dread bedtime at our house. I often wonder why my baby can't be one that sleeps peacefully. She never has and when I think something works she noramlly throw a wrench in my happy dance and switches things up. I feel so bad tonight..maybe if I had just did the bath..even though it was going to put her to bed later she wouldn't be crying now. She's down to a few whimpers here and there now thank God.

I get a lot of critisism for my bedtime beliefs. I don't go by any one plan. It's a whole lot of hodge podge I pretend to be a plan but it is really the only thing that works for us. I feel lucky at times that she isn't a child who used to sleep thru the night..or long stretches... who has suddenly changed. Our bedtime here is just improving but when you go from virtually no sleep to some it's an improvement. It's quiet now, she put herself to sleep.

It's time for my good cry now. I always cry after she's calm because I feel terrible for her crying. I had gotten her down to only about 12 minutes of fussing with a few outbreaks of tears before sticking her thumby in her mouth but now without the bath it was 36 minutes..oh the guilt.

Might be important to include this

I was rereading the blog I originally started back when I was pregnant but then locked myself out of lol. I thought I should paste on here what I had there so that I can remember. I can't help but take in a deep breath and thank God for all that he has blessed me with..considering the fear in my heart only a year ago. I should really learn to trust more..I'm working on it.

http://garbersgreatexpectation.blogspot.com/

Ok so I don't what happened today but it sure wasn't one of our better days.

Last night Gracie went down like a champ..I know that has never happened. I went to bed fairly early as well..by 10:30. I slept like a rock and woke up at 2:30 thinking it must be morning. I ended up getting up folding clothes, cleaning up the kitchen, and checking my FB. John came home shortly after..I know SHOCKER since he's been working 16 and 17 hour days here lately. I decided to wake Gracie to change her diaper and feed her since she hadn't ate or been changed since around 8. We're still battling the diaper rash..and yes I know not to wake a sleeping baby. Well it took until about 6 to get her back down and I went to bed with the hubs.

Needless to say Payton woke me at 9 to go out and sure enough when I got back upstairs little gracie was playing with her feet babbling away..it was at this point I felt so tired I wanted to cry. This is not the least amount of rest I have ever gotten by any means. Looking back on the first 3 months of her life and bfing and the Milk Protein Intolerance this is a cake walk so why did it bother me so much?? i got her up and took care of what needed to be taken care of and just sat with her trying to rest but she was really energetic today in fact I feel bad we didn't play harder. I wish I had done a lot more with her today but all in all we still had fun. She isn't feeling too great the past couple of days. She did get Sophie in the mail today and loves it. I will have to get a pic posted of her and the silly thing.

Bedtime tonight was a nightmare but she's down and I should be too because you just never know what she has in store for me tomorrow.

I may get stressed out but you know what I have the best job in the world..I may have to change diapers, get spit up on, have sleep deprivation, and deal with a screamer at times but who else gets to be a kid again, lay on the floor and talk baby talk, make up silly songs, pinch chunks on your baby to make them laugh, and just be a kid again. I have to remind myself on these tired days just how lucky I am.

Thanks for working so hard John so that I can stay home with our beautiful daughter.
Love you daddy!

Frustrated and I Guess I Don't Know Why

Ok it's been a while since I posted anything here not that anyone would notice...doesn't seem like my blog has snagged any followers of yet but hey it's a good place to let some things out so why not.

Ok I love my husband this is an understatement I ADORE my husband but today I ran across a post on BBC about the furstrations in a marriage after having a baby and a woman said hey let's name 10 reasons we love our hubs. Things can get hectic and crazy with a new baby and I'm still hormonal I guess even though it's been 5 months PP and so I am reading along other peoples lists and well I get pretty sad I guess cause I feel like a lot of the things that these women see in their hubbys I'm missing in mine and I don't feel like it's because of a new baby, in fact I feel like it's been this way a while and if I am honest with myself I'm really just not too happy about it.

What to do?

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted And never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom, I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom, I had never been pooped on, Spit up on, Chewed on, Peed on, Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom, I had complete control of myself; My thoughts, My body, And my mind. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming childso that doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every ten minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderfulment, Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom

Football Season Anyone????

When deciding what our little one would wear home from the hospital there wasn't much discussion. We had purchased a little pink Chicago Bears outfit and it was a no brainer. When dressing her at the hospital it seemed alarmingly big on her and in checking the size I noticed I had bought a 3-6 month outfit..it was very roomy on her lol.





She has grown so much since that first day and this is probably one of the last times she will be wearing her favorite team. She watched them end a disappointing season sitting in her daddys lap on a couple of Sunday afternoons. She is happy and optimistic however that her teams next season will be successful. We'll be shopping for another outfit for next season. I am thinking orange and blue this time but we'll see. Go Bears!

Milestones

With all the hustle and bustle, fussines, restlessness, and sleeplessness that have occured over the past 4 months of our life most days with my new daughter seem like a blur. We go to Dr appointments, church, and the occasional trip to the pharmacy but we don't tend to venture too far. I check off the things you can do and also where you should be like i think most moms do and you are for the most part hitting everything on track.

Yesterday was the first time we went out together than I wasn't all tensed up an nervous that you may have a major meltdown. I know we only went to BRU and Target but you were an angel and I feel much more confident now in being able to handle more fussy baby situations. I guess that would be my milestone.

With that said a few interesting things happened yesterday that I'd like to mention. First take a look at the second pic (pic is from this morning as I was alone when she did this with noone to take advantage of the first photo of her holding her bottle). Funny how she can hold a bottle after less than a week of bottle feeding. She's one smart cookie. Second and the thing I am most excited about is she slept in her own crib last night after cosleeping for almost four months (see first photo). I did a happy dance when this happened. I of course didn't sleep well because I don't have the breathable bumper installed on her crib yet and the monitor is portable, we don't usually use it in her room, so without the AC set up on it it went dead in the middle of the night. I woke up hearing it beep. It warns you when it's about to go dead. It's not like she's far away, I could hear her in her room but the monitor makes me have more peace of mind.

I can't believe what a difference the formula feeding has made in our lives. No matter what comes our way, Miss Gracie and I will make it thru together, just like we have up to this point . For now mommy is just trying to take it all in and enjoy it. It's going much faster then I ever imagines it would.

Dear Gracie

Dear Gracie,

I look at you with such joy. You are growing up so quick right before my eyes. I don't see it every day but when I snap photos of you or see you in your daddy's arm's I see you changing. It's so hard to believe that a week from now you will be four months old.

These four months have been hard on us both. I never knew I could love someone so much. I never knew being a mother would be do hard. I never knew I'd have so many emotions and laugh and cry so much. I feel like a completely different person. I don't think that's a bad thing at all just different. I know that I am a better soul because of you.

Seeing you grow makes me sad in some ways. Thanks for being patient with me and for walking with me through motherhood. We both had and have a lot to figure out. I wish I had known from the beginning you had a MilkProteins Intolerance. Things were so rough and I didn't know why you were the way you were and the Dr wouldn't listen. If I learned one thing it is that I need to follow my gut feelings more. Forgive me for not knowing sooner. You seem so much happier now and so much more at peace. I miss feeding you so much sweetheart but I want what is best for you. I am glad you still love to cuddle with me and I want to cry when you are eating a bottle looking at me the same as when you ate from me. When you reach your hand around my finger it is priceless like you are telling me that it's ok that we had to move onto the bottle and that together we'll be ok. I'm so proud of you for how you've transitioned. I worry about you always and only want the very best for you.

I'm sure we have many struggles ahead of us and we will over come those together. I am also sure that there are so many happy times we're going to share, This is just the beginning of a wonderful and exciting journey together chunk monk and I love you with every part of me.

Love Mommy